i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
