Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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