Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
