Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
