I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
