im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
