She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
