I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
