I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
