he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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