I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
