the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
