it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize