I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
