I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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