When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
