dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
