for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
