bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
