awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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