Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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