I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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