Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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