I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
tell me about the fingering
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