i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
