Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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