Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
