I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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