I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
