If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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