I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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