gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize