just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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