Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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