Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
