i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
