i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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