So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
