The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
