this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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