the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
foreskin is a definite game changer
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
