Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
