What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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