Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
