you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
