And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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