Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
