ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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