He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize