btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
