A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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