When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
