I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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