I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
