i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize