Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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