you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hippo gnu deer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
