Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
