As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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