can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
