i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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