i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize