Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
