New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
