I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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