Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
