When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
