Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
