at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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