if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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